Did I get your attention? I wish this was a funny post about some silly puke story. It’s not. This post is for all the parents dealing with a kiddo with anxiety. With the start of a new school year, tummies are rumbling and this was a sentence we experienced quite a bit at our house. If you have a child that is nervous, upset, anxious or just not feeling the school year just yet, you are not alone. I want to share our success story in hopes that it helps kick off your school year with a little bit of positivity.

I was a nervous kid. I didn’t like being away from my mom. I didn’t make it through a sleepover until almost middle school. I worried and was never the one jumping off the diving board or going to sleep away camps. For the most part though, it didn’t really affect my life. So when my daughter started to be a “nervous Nellie” I didn’t think too much of it. I knew the signs, had experienced it myself, thought she would surely outgrow it. But do you ever really outgrow anxiety or do you just learn how to cope with it? That was something I never thought about. I mean, I still worry constantly, I still get anxious about stuff.

Anyway, back to the puke. Our daughter threw up almost daily from kindergarten until the middle of second grade. Yep. You read that right and yes, this is a success story. Up until kindergarten, she was pretty easy. We had some days in preschool that were rough after her brother was born. I was at home with him so she didn’t want to go to school. Tears were shed but then she loved it after I left. Those days were probably tougher on me. Screaming newborn, sobbing 4 year old. Good times. Up until that point, she had been in daycare daily while I worked but when our son was born, I became a stay at home mom. She should be used to being away from me right?

Looking back at it now, that was a lot of change for a 4 year old. Preschool, we moved, a new brother and he got to stay at home with mom. When kindergarten rolled around, things started off fine. She knew some friends from preschool but very quickly the newness wore off. She hated the cafeteria and it became a trigger for her. We kept chugging along thinking it was just separation from mom and she would adjust. And for the most part she did or at least got better at puking in the garbage can.

But there were many, many sleepless nights. If there was going to be a substitute teacher or a field trip the next day, she was puking the night before. She spent many night sleeping on a stack of blankets in our room. We tried bribing her with gifts to sleep in her own bed or make it through a day without puking. But that was just dumb. We needed to teach her coping skills. We needed to let her know that what she was feeling wasn’t something she could just “get over” but in fact was very real. We kept assuring her that everything would be alright and some days it was. When you have anxiety though, things in your head get out of control very quickly, often going to worse case scenario. As an adult, we can rationalize that and reassure ourselves that it probably won’t happen. As a 5 year old, you don’t know how to do that.

For example, one night my in-laws spent the night so they were here before school. During breakfast I mentioned to my father in law that I was going to dig holes to plant tulip bulbs. He said to be careful while digging so I didn’t hit any wiring/electrical lines and “get zapped”. Totally innocent conversation that I didn’t think anything of. A few hours into the day, I get a phone call. My daughter was puking and this time they couldn’t console her. She swore she was sick “for real this time” and needed to come home. I picked her up. She clearly wasn’t sick. That night she confessed that she was worried I had gotten zapped and was dead. You guys, that broke my heart. She had been at school all day worrying about me, all from a totally random conversation I didn’t even know she heard!

We quickly realized this wasn’t a phase, that this was beyond our skill set and we needed help. We were very fortunate to have amazing teachers to help us along the way but we needed coping skills. We saw an amazing pediatric social worker. We met with her together as a family and a few times, just one on one with my daughter. She gave us tips on how to help her, taught her some skills to help her get through the day and even some tricks to make it through lunch in the cafeteria. We felt so much relief and wondered why we didn’t do it sooner. Slowly she stopped puking. Honestly by this point, she was so used to puking and her gag reflex was so strong, even smells would make her puke so we constantly had a grocery bag with us just in case. We learned ways to help her cope and how to prepare her for events that might make her anxious. As she got older, she could rationalize a little better and that helped too.

Now at the age of 20 and starting her junior year in college, she still has anxiety. I got a text yesterday, on her first day of school, saying she thought she was going to puke. She didn’t. She went to class and rocked her first day at a new college, over 100 miles away from home. So yes, she has anxiety and yes this is a huge success story. My baby that didn’t have her first sleepover until 5th grade now lives in another state! She’s in her 3rd year of college, had a great job all summer working with people and is rocking all aspects of her life. My husband always worried that she would never get through that phase, never have a sleepover, never leave home. And if she didn’t, that was okay. But I knew she would. I knew she had my anxiety but she also had his tenacity.

There is so much stigma about mental health. Growing up, I didn’t even know what anxiety was, let alone it being a mental health problem. I thought I had a “nervous stomach”. I’m glad that my daughter is growing up in a generation that is getting rid of that stigma. They are a generation that know it’s okay to get help whether it be therapy or medication or both. And I’m proud of that. I’m proud, that as a parent, my child is strong enough to know to ask for help and knows that we will support her.

So parents, when your kids say their stomachs hurt, listen. When they tell you they don’t like school, don’t brush it off. When they are hesitant to step into a new situation, that’s okay. Not all kids are going to run into the building and embrace a new situation. Some kids are going to cry. Some kids are going to hang on to you so tight. Some kids are going to puke. It’s all okay. First days, first weeks, even first months, don’t have to be amazing and facebook worthy. Some will be hard. Some will be awful. Some will include having a wadded up Wal-Mart bag in your pocket just incase. Be there for them, listen to them and if you need help, just ask for it. Teachers are amazing resources and have probably seen it all. Know that you and your child are not alone. It may be a phase. It may not. Either way, it will be okay. Lots of us are just one or two steps away from needing that puke bag.