Back to school time is upon us. It’s different for me this year, I have two juniors. My daughter will be a junior at Indiana State this month. She’s all moved and settled and I’m sure I will blog about that in the future when I can type through my tears. I’m slightly dramatic. My son is going to be a junior in high school and he could really care less about any of the hoopla of school supplies and all that jazz. So now that my kids are old-ish, I feel like I can shed some light on the struggles we have gone through.

One of the phases I’m glad that is over for us is middle school. So I figured with all my “expertise” I would give some unsolicited advice on how we survived the drama filled years known as middle school (or junior high). Middle school was a very different experience for each of my kids. I chalk it up to one is a girl and one is a boy and their personalities couldn’t be more different. I’m going to talk about my daughter’s experience because I feel like most of the drama happens with the girls.

Let’s be honest. Girls can be mean. Not just girls, females in general. They are catty, mean, snarky and then you add the massive amounts of hormones and emotions in their young bodies and it’s just a hot mess. I’d like to say that I’m none of these things but depending on the time of month, I can go from crying to ripping your head off to laughing all in one fell swoop so the fact that our daughters also have all these emotions is understandable.

Now having said all that, it’s no excuse for being downright mean and rude and I know that happens a lot of the time. It’s our job as parents to distinguish between the two. It’s our job to help our emotional kids understand that sometimes someone is just having a bad day and you became their target. It’s also our job to teach our kids to stand up for themselves but more importantly know that what others think of them doesn’t really matter. We need to teach them to love themselves so it doesn’t matter what the haters think.

So where am I going with all of this? Let’s talk about Libby and Emory. My daughter, Libby, was a super anxious kid, a worrier to the extreme. Parts of middle school were rough for her. A majority of the time was great. But those few pockets of drama were not fun. I have always stressed the importance of only needing a few good friends. Middle school is mostly about popularity and who has the most friends. Quality over quantity people! My words of advice were always “4 quarters are better than 100 pennies” meaning a few good friends were much better than tons of okay friends. Libby and Emory were not friends in middle school or even high school for that matter. I believe Libby has called Emory her arch nemesis at one point. (sorry Emory!)

They both have very different stories of their experiences in middle school. No one was bullied, picked on, physically hurt or anything extreme. These girls just did not like each other. And you know what, that’s okay. You don’t have to be friends with everyone but you do have to be kind. We live in a small town, I knew Emory’s family and I knew they were good people so I wasn’t concerned. The point is, I did not rush in and try to fix this. Libby needed to figure it out on her own. From the day she came home upset that she didn’t have anyone to go to the school dance with, to the next afternoon when she had plans for the same dance with her bestie since 3rd grade, (thanks Cassidy!) I knew she would figure it out. We can’t solve and fix all of their problems even when we want to rush in and make sure they have the best experience ever. This is a hard one but guess what, grown women are also mean and I knew she’d need those skills later on in life.

So moms when your kids come home upset about another kid at school, take a deep breath. It’s so easy to side with our kids and jump on the train of bad mouthing and accusations. But don’t. Stop and think about all the circumstances involved. Don’t diminish their feelings because they have the right to be upset and not like someone. Honestly, there are tons of people I don’t like and that’s okay. But whether you kill them with kindness or just turn the other cheek, we need to remember that being mean isn’t necessary. Most likely in middle school, you just hang out with different crowds and have different interests which was the case with these two girls. We need to give our kids the chance to figure out these relationships on their own. Obviously if things are bad, as parents we need to get involved but first give them the chance to do it on their own. Their relationships are just going to get harder as they get older and they have to deal with coworkers, employers and just the population in general these days!

And guess what…Libby and Emory are now the best of friends. Trust me, I’m as shocked as you are! Emory is definitely one of Libby’s quarters now. Over the past two years, these two have developed such a great friendship. Turns out they are more alike that they would have admitted back in middle school. They have a similar sense of humor and love each other’s company. Emory has been an awesome friend. Libby moved to Indiana a week ago and Emory was her first out of town visitor! If you would have told me that back in 7th grade, I would have laughed at you.

So mamas, it’s going to be okay. The middle school years are drama filled but they go so fast. It’s the time for first school dances, first crushes, tons of homework (tons!), finding their tribe and learning new things. There will be bouts of hormonal roller coasters, catty girls, mean boys and all the emotions. But you got this! Tell them to find their quarters but don’t be surprised when those quarters change.

Thank you Emory for having my girl’s back through the college years, they definitely matter more than middle school.

*Posted with permission from both girls*